knife. there it is, my back, go on. you know the drill!

Bowie and I burrowed under the covers. Upon a recent trip to my fair city. (dublin) Bowie and I took shelter under my covers (the house is really really old and cold).  And confessed something of a rumour which had been troubling him.

‘I have to ask, are you back in touch with the pirate ?’

it seems my old ‘friend’ the pirate had been making non discreet enquires as to my whereabouts.  Concerned at my absence in a certain watering hole and missing me around town. (I would always pop up and bump into him somewhere. More often then not sans make-up)

‘Did he send you an email ?’ I asked

‘No pet. He was in Cork.’

That sat me bolt upright and then some. Gin and tonic flavoured chocolate in hand. Everyone knows that the pirate never leaves Limerick for Cork.

The funny thing was, now that I thought about it. I no longer cared. Gone are the days that a mere mention of the pirate would have had me in a frenzy. I just can’t be bothered. Why back a dying horse? The pirate had made his choice. A year ago –ish  during last october when I was an angry artist and he was, well, an idiot. He had engaged in a short but interesting affair with me. Hidden in the back of Limerick. We frequented every quiet bar, every noisy nightclub. Safe in our own little cacoon of happiness. Texting every night till we fell asleep to each other’s XOXO’s. until down it crashed. Upon my head not his. He walked. Away. With her. While I went back to the relationship I had ended for him. Alone and annoyed I resented his popping up in MY town around MY drinking spots and MY college. Worse then that were the frequent attempts to rekindle what had happened. Even though he had publicily embarrassed me. I had made my choice. No more pirate.

 Even if his cheekbones are model standard.

It’s amazing to realise that, you are over  someone. Even if it has taken a while. Excitedly I relayed this information to Bowie.

‘Thank god. He exhaled. I just couldn’t hold your hand through another pirate related mess. I mean, jesus it took you like a year to get over his not calling you and dumping you. Kind of. I mean, he chose his girlfriend over you right ? man that must have hurt. No wonder it took you so long. God and then with your break up to whatshisface? I mean, god.’

Who needs enemies when you have friends like these right?????

would you give this gobshite your cash?

RTE has annoyed me.

€160 I have handed over to pay for a TV license. A hundred and sixty euro for something I don’t have any channels on and use purely as a dvd player. I refused to get chorus because of their awful customer service and frankly dull selection of channels and can’t get sky in the apartment block.

So, I have been watching DVDs. A lot. But as awful as this sounds I don’t mind. What I do mind is being charged so much money for useless channels. In Ireland, you get your four basic channels. RTE 1 (home to the old timers), Network 2 (a younger version) , TV3 (an awful awful channel) and the Irish channel (can’t even begin).

I will start with RTE 1. A stunning array of D list Irish ‘celebrities’, the TV fossil that is the late late show, things like nationwide (shudder) and the news (the only thing I can watch). RTE 1 is quite simply the most boring TV channel ever invented. Lacking in any good interesting programming it sits awkwardly with Network 2. Which is like it’s younger sexier cousin.

There is no middle ground. There is the awful stuffy air of RTE 1 which contrasts with the young vibe of network 2. I’m 24 and I find watching Network 2 a bit, well, cringe worthy. I feel like the only grown up in a playground. Interestingly, network two seems to acquire the latest in TV programmes from the states such as Ugly Betty and CSI before channel four or any other channel has a look in.  This surely can’t be where my 160 euro is taken up???

Maybe I am paying for Pat Kenny’s shite array of ties ???

Either way, ties aside, tv3 airs coronation street and the most useless array of made for TV shit you have ever seen in your life. It really does make you wonder why TV3 carries on. Some of the worst programmes ever. I think it’s Xposure that is on this channel. A display of useless blonde tarts talking about the latest ‘trends and beauty treatments’ when they clearly can’t dress themselves and are cringeworthy compared to other trend and celebrity programmes.

Not everyone likes hair extensions, tans and tits guys!!!

The worst thing of all is the ride that you and I are taken on. On BBC there are no ads as the cost of running is covered by TV licenses. Interesting. Because RTE charges us 160 for the pleasure of watching it’s fine selection of the nation grandparents twittering on AND makes us sit through an advert or 7. For everything from insurance to baby milk to Irish physics live and back.

(TV3 is the worst culprit of this)

Oddly enough, I don’t mind paying for the Irish channel. Whose title I can’t spell because I don’t speak a word of Irish.  Reason being, I think it’s important to preserve the language. Plus, they are the only channel that screens gossip girl. Even channel four or network2 have not woken up to smell the upper east side coffee yet.  I haven’t ever watched any of the programmes (bar to complain about the Irish non subtitled Spongebob I found while hungover one fine morning) or want to. But I like the fact it’s out there and it makes programmes that use the language.

So my question is this. What in the name of F… do RTE need 160 off us for when clearly advertising is raking it in ? When are they going to reduce the amount it costs to have a tv license given the economic climate ?  When are they going to reduce the pay packages of useless presenters such as Pat ‘No emotion’ Kenny and Ryan ‘Who the fuck are you? Tuberty??? Or better yet,

When are you guys going to give us value for money???????

 

(feel strongely about this blog ? write a comment about how you feel or your expieriences. Lets get some discussion going. Also vote in the blog if you have time!)

agyness deyn and the case of the new hole in the ozone layer

Interestingly a good portion of the S/S 10 talk focused around a media snob of Agyness Deyn. What is this you say????

th tabloids no longer interested in much raking and  shit flinging??? 

no. fear not.

merely the tabloids did not recognise her with the new dark hair. not the first time 'Aggy' has dyed her hair. but always for the catwalk never off it.  she was orange for one season (was it not anna sui??? ) and brunette another. but this, this, dark abomination is something else. some one dear god call kelly osbourne.

get aggy to one of her and boyfriend Luke Worrell's communal bleaching jobs. fast as!!!

CELEBRITIES STOP MESSING WITH YOUR HAIR. I CAN'T COPE WITH WRITING THESE AWFUL SHORT BLOGS ABOUT IT!I JUST DON'T CARE!

sex and the city movie update

WTF.

samantha spotted in wedding dress walking around new york city. wtf. sex and the city is pulling the punches out with this one. MOTHER OF GOD. it's like watching the queen mother in a body con dress. the shock would kill you. 

it's so disapointing. yet again the hollywood everyone has to be happy ending again. why for once could we not have a film where its ok for the woman to end up single and alone. instead of just selling out. 

someone please. this is annoying me.

and if we have to do the wedding, can we please have a decent wedding dress?

maybe this is a thing to throw us off the scent of the movie???? please god.

also other updates include :

charlotte accuses harry of an affair which he is not having. he is sneaking around to buy a home for them

miranda quits law after being sued and opens a cafe with steve.

carrie is pregnant around the time that big is in london cheating on her.

but what of standford? can we please have a story for him that doesn't involve some humour about him being gay? we're aware he is gay. can he please have a boyfriend or something!!! instead of kissing anthony at new yrs. yawn. please let him have a decent role!

wanted for questioning and possible shooting

i am going to issue an arrest warrant for drew barrymore's hair dresser. he is wanted in connection with this badger looking monster of a hairstyle. anyone with any information should call immediatly. he is considered armed with bleach and dangerous to hair. 

he is also wanted in connection of the loss of drew barrymore's sanity. we are conducting interviews to see where it was lost and how we can get it back to her.

drew love, take some advice. get a razor and do a britney fast.  i used to do this to my hair when i was 15 and even then i looked better then this.  you look like shit and people are laughing. i know you havent had a decent film since donnie darko and god love you, adam sandler wouldnt even hire you but, your not making it any easier.

shave.

it.

off.

now.

dissing the VMA styles.....

of course the main focus was on the kanye west outburst. rightly so. what a fucking tool. how embarrassing for beyonce and taylor swift. jesus. anyway ,enough about that d lister. now, some A listers please......

alicia keys and JLO. what the fuck is the velvet cast off wrapped around JLO's shoulders. god this woman needs a decent stylist. she drives me mad. she is blessed with a lovely set and a lovely bum and what does she do. hires a blind 15 year old to dress her.  even a ten year old wouldnt wear that velvet love.
i know i once said i was sick of madonna getting her crotch out, but, now that the woman has put it away, i kinda miss it. particularly when she is wearing this sort of funeral director get up.  what is this? whaaaaat? come back madonna of the leotard, sequins and disco music. we miss you.  no idea who the gobshite beside her is. anyone?
god i love lady gaga. its breathe of fresh stuff next to the usual array of slags from the hills/etc. she puts serious effort in. yeah i know she is a bit of twat but, you gotta love the effort.

oh yeah, and thats alexa chung next to her. the most exciting thing i can say about her is that this time she doesn't have a cold sore. (london fashion week last year - look it up)  she always looks like she is a smug cow who would spit on civilians.  i also heard from friends who have met her that she is a total bitch.
come on ladies, we've all been there. spent money and time then some bitch comes in in the same dress. now, we all know balmain is THE collection of the season and hot to trot. so spare a thought for poor pink who came in the VMAS in the same dress as beyonce/shakira/taylor swift/who cares? and didn't look as good. was not as thin and looked like she was taking style tips off there is something about mary. ok, i love pink and thinks she's a ride but this is taking the piss. come on love, you can do better. i cringe in shame for you. 

and i cringe in shame over that handbag your one has. looks like a primark orginial. mind you, if you bought balmain you wouldn't have spare change lying around now would you?

well done to leighton meester for the fab dress at the VMAS. but what the fuck are those on your feet missus?  points deducted for shit shoes. boo

- katy perry at the same event. climbed down off her pole for a night to show us what happens when you have a spare 4000 euro hanging around and enough time to get your tits done. that. classy.  i normally consider miss perry fashion roadkill anyway. put 'em away love. no one cares.

tea and cosmos of an afternoon!

wow. free cocktails taste amazing. have had another freebie.

free fringe cocktails last night in the george. lemon absolut with tonic water and limes

now free cosmos in cafe ein seine. fab. i only came in to work on the website and eat some chips. but how fab right? i knew there was a great reason i keep coming back here!

the above is the actual cocktail and tea they sent over. its an odd mix that kinda works.....

the smell of a new season is in the air.... god it's like love all over again

Ah the fresh smell of a new season. How it does fill me with the joys……so I’ve decided to make life easier for those without a vogue subscription (your not missing much) and detail the new trends for this season.

1 eighties

Balmain rocked this trend down the catwalks. Suddenly everyone became awash with an 80’s stilleto heel, the power shouldered jacket, the mini dress and topshop started selling hair scrunchies (the horror! The horror!)

The best high street place to go this season when your looking for eighties in the noughties is river island. Their collection of shiny tops, leggings, furry jackets and amazing things has really come on and also they reduced their prices for the recession (take note topshop)

But don’t go in guns blazing. Do eighties subtly. Accessories or make-up will bring your old wardrobe into the past also try adding shoulder blades which can be taken away after your finished with the trend. All over eighties is bad unless it’s balmain but, do give sequins and studs and feathers a go!

 

2 – The thigh boots.

Tricky tricky trend. This is a trend which looks terrible on a

nyone over a certain size and this is where choosing your boot length is critical. Over the knee will make your thighs look bigger so be careful.

If you suffer from the larger thigh I would stick to a boot below the knee. Ankle if possible which is the other boot du jour.  But over the knee requires planning. Think stella macartney. But try topshop. If your not sure about a trend and want to try. I never thought I would say this because the place brings me out in a rash but, primark/pennys has lovely velvetly/suedey flat just over the knee boots. For twenty quid. Nice.

 

If you are thin of leg the boot world is your oyster and every boots a winner baby!  Go for it.

 

3 – ladylike ladies.

Think chanel. Think DKNY. Think afternoon tea served in a floral teacup on a saucer. Clotted cream, long walks in the woods before having a nightcap in the drawing room with the chaps.

Get the idea? It’s all english english. Tweeds, houndstooth, earthy colors, plaids and knits with patterns. Mixed together to create a very english result.

Tweed-y bits are all over the high street. Seriously. Everywhere.  To bring old clothes up to date add some herloom looking jewelry or a tweed blazer.

Your tweed blazer will be your new best friend for this trend.

 

4 -  leather not lace

when angelina jolie rocked the carpet in that amazing micheal kors leather dress suddenly a wave of high street copies hit the shelves. Mango were first off the mark with a strapless leather version. Then like the tweed trend it was all about finding bits and bobs in different shops.  River island has INSANE pants for an insane price of 40 euro. And oasis were stocking leather look leggings for a while.

While all over leather is best left to those taking a motorcycle home the way to update the look is to add a jacket. Or a studded punk ankle boot. Or if your adventurous then try dresses or tops. This is one trend that screams good in bed!  Serious leather done well looks very sexy. But done badly it can make you look like a badly done biker.

5 – the mini dress.

We have balmain to thank again for this one.  Short, sharp and sweet. Sequinned, studded with statement shoulders. Mmmmm……. Think topshop for some pretty cool mini dresses with miss selfridge not far behind them….

 

 

Accesssories

 

1      - the snood.

2      – fingerless gloves

 

the make-up

a bright lip. Any color. Hot pink, red or orange. Head to MAC cosmetics and ask for their morange color (a matt orange) or to rimmel and ask for their diva red shade (blue based bright red with slight shine and moisture) or better yet go to barry M and pick up their hot hot pink. But do invest in paint stripper because that stuff stains your lips.

The dramatic other side of that is the amazing look agyness deyn was sporting at an event. A purple lip. She looked incredible! MAC does an amazing gothic purple. If your doing this look do not be afraid if your blonde but vamp it up. 

With a statement lip keep your face all netural colors. Just don’t add anything. Let your lips say it for you.

 

The hair

As per normal for a/w red is red hot. Look at h&m’s campaign for inspiration. The flame red long wavy hair on the women. Think (shudder) rumer wilis (that poor child. Beautiful parents and she turns out. Like, well, that) but at least her hair color is amazing. 

the health system in ireland. told through the medium of miss campbell

i feel your pain.

in a moment of embarrassing clarity I pulled a blinder. after two glasses of wine (honestly! ahem) on route to the loo I walked through a curtain in the dragon bar. fell down the stairs on the other side. on top of my ankle and sprained it.

the bar were quick thinkers and grabbed a make shift ice yoke but i passed out from my ankle and threw up from the pain. (and the drink) a quick trip to A+E announced the ankle as sprained. badly.

on crutches when not in work. so not vogue. so not fair.

which brings me to the next point, why oh why do we pay taxes to fix our shit schools, roads and hospitals when i had to pay another 100 euro to be seen. i have health insurance and pay tax. 

WTF????

the service was shit and i was just wondering when the government are going to admit their fucked.

our schools are still producing people who are uneducated or educated badly, the roads outside dublin are falling apart and fucking crap and our hospitals are useless. i was waiting for an xray from 10 that morning till 4 when they bandaged me up. it took 25 minutes for them to find someone who was free to bandage me. 

sort it out.

nurses have a fucking awful job and have the patience of saints can we please god give them the 100 i spent to get a pair of crutches and a bandage??? i'd prefer that

fashionista ponderings

Random wondering of a fashionista

 

1 -  why has no one slapped brix smith – start yet. The most annoying woman in the world. Doing her best to remind us all  why not to watch Gok’s fashion fix.

2 – why in the name of god did rumer wilis turn out with a face like that ? with two gorgeous parents! She could have had it all!

3 – why is it sod’s law that I spill chocolate sauce the only time I eat it on my human league t-shirt which happens to be white???

4 – why have I not tried the fringe festival cocktail until last night???? Absolut lemon with tonic and lime (with a big thanks to the george for the free cocktails last night!)

5 -  why do shops open late on a sunday which is normally my day off!!!!!!! I miss half a mornings shopping because of it. But then when I am working I like the fact that its late opening!

6 -  which painkiller stops a hangover from fringe festival cocktailss faster????  Need to know basis. Answers on a postcard!

GO ON YA GOOD TING YA!!!!!!!!

The more I hear of Barak Obama. The more I like him. I  heard he allegedly called Kanye West a jackass!!!! We all know kanye west is a fool. Who disapeared up his own hole a while ago. But the antics at the VMAs the last night was so disgraceful. How dare he? Now I would not be taylor swift’s biggest fan (I didn’t even know who she was. Apparently she’s huge in america. Apparently) but when interviewed barrack obama allegedly called kanye a jackass over him storming the stage.

Oh kanye, the first ever cool president of america and the one who is seriously ‘down with the kids’ calls YOU the jackass????? The embarrassment!

But barack is cool. His wife knows her fashion labels, she talks comfortably about their relationship, they seem normal,  he seems funny and likeable, he is from co. offaly apparently!!!!! (there is no one as irish as…….) he smokes marlboro lights like a trooper apparently and then best of all. He talks sense.

Troops out, health care reforms which are freaking out the republicans, calls kanye west what he is and I for one think he is fucking great. It’s about time the americans got over the embarrassment of george bush and what he did for the country and the way he made america look. It’s not a good look to have your president known world wide for being a dumb fuck.

But good on mr obama. Turns out he was just what america needed! 

thank you oasis for a lovely night!

I would like to say thank you to oasis on stephen’s green for having us there the other night for their fashion rocks party. It  was fun. Even if I did forget my wallet in work over the other side of town and nearly had to miss the vodka! (id in wallet) served vodka and cranberry in cans with long straws (!) , the make-up was provided by LA make-up and the h

air by the style club.

The style club were very impressive. Good prices and friendly staff. They did a great job with my rotten work hair (you know the type – pinned back and off the face and grimy from stockroom dust) and popped out the pins got the hair curly and into a massive ball around my head. Amazing.

Got a look around oasis’s new collection. Must admit I do have a soft spot for oasis. Having worked there before (in cork) and I enjoyed it.

So thanks again lads!

pride cake figured out. five mins later

it's ok people.
i have figured it out. they built the cake in layers. each layer was food colored the correct color. placed together with some form of icing and then iced over with the white icing. simple. and more importantly. non toxic.

HAPPY PRIDE LIMERICK 2009!

MISS PENNY DREADFUL WOULD LIKE TO WISH EVERYONE IN LIMERICK A VERY HAPPY PRIDE 2009. I WISH I COULD BE THERE. SO ENJOY IT!

AND ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO ASK IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW THE FUCK THEY GOT THE INSIDE OF THE CAKE RAINBOW COLORED???????

-seriously, is that even, like, healthy? can you even eat that ? ah well, who cares!

topshop unique aw09

I've always like topshop unique. they put on a cracking good show. this is a few pieces from their latest collection. which seems to be UFO inspired. i couldn't include the UFO dress as i wanted to. the link was broken - sort it out lads - so here is the rest of the collection worth looking at. kinda draw to the UFO stuff. dunno why......

statement shoes

this winter. indulge yourself with some statement shoes. i've picked my faves from collections the world over. choose wisely and invest well. these will stand you years
marc jacobs €650
halston ankle boots €995
halston boots. €1,300
balmain ankle boot with zip €1,800
giuseppe zanotti sandals €945
jimmy choo sandals €580

nicole richie names child after the happy gas

a generation of american bullies can heave a heavy sigh of relief. there will be a new target on the playgroup ripe for the wedge of a lifetime.
introducing :
sparrow ritchie.
even i'd have a kick with a name like that.....

bumble and bumble ball!

if anyone is like me and often runs around the house at 8:15 on a monday morning before work screaming 'FUUUUUUUUUCK I'VE LOST MY HAIR TIE' then the new summer edition of bumble and bumbles hairband ball should be an amazing discovery. you get the idea here.
but for those of us who need things explained and generally find life a little bit harder then most. the idea is simple. it's a ball of hair ties.
pure genius like.

kane pics!

oops. i forgot some kane photos. so here they are!

mr kane, you do slay me!

ladies.
feast your eyes on the new collection from christopher kane for topshop. out next week. before london fashion week. the gorilla top is only £45! also the dresses are around £110 -ish. worth it. i am loving the fringed clutch bag. don't ask where the photos are from but these are the best and only photos advailable right now!
add a comment and let me know what you think of the collection from the above pics.

halston hot picks

now these are harem pants. nice. these are from halston at€995. love it. mind you. lets place a bet. how long will they be around before topshop jump on the bandwagon or the oversized crotch trend and make it their own???? i give it two weeks...mind you. i'll be right there cash in hand for a pair.

i actually had a quick sconce around this label and i like. i really like. cheap for netaporter.com as well.......hmmm.....€898